Written after IWD 2005 and sent to colleagues on Mother’s Day 2005
A calendar invite in my mail box to a meeting with EMEA Women Leaders greeted me in the morning as I made the transition from the manic morning hours of 5:30 am to 8:30 am to what I hoped was a cool and composed professional at office.
“Mamma, spread your lap and cuddle me” is the start of my typical day when my 4-year-old daughter who has grown beyond the confines of my lap still wants to cling on to her babyhood. After those first moments of calm bliss comes the tornado of
“M, brush your teeth”
“Look at the clock, the big hand is at 4 and you’ve still not gone to have your bath”
“M, finish your breakfast”
“You are not getting a paratha today, you have to finish the bread”
“There’s no cake today, M,– let me give you Chocos for tiffin. Share it with Debopriya”
Then the tornado ends with the rain of kisses on my cheeks and the waving of tiny hands - off she goes to school, leaving me with just enough time to reach office – each day missing either to change to an elegant earring that would have coordinated so well with an outfit, or to dash on that new shade of lipstick that I had bought after much internal debate about its versatility; prioritizing dilemmas into one single question - who has the time to select from multiple shades of lipstick in the rush hours of the morning. Over time, I had reduced my checklist to cream, watch and cell phone with lipstick in the nice-to-have category. From the adornments of a sensuous woman with flowing tresses depicted in the sculptures of Ajanta, Ellora, Khajuraho, Konarak to the sleek accessories of the working-away-from-home woman with the short hairdo – the stereotype of the woman has metamorphosed significantly over time. But the desire to deck up, not necessarily to create a sensation among the opposite gender, remains unchanged.
Getting back to work, women in the corporate world – we needed sessions to enable us. Why? was my first reaction. I was indignant. Feminism may have originated to establish equal rights for women – at home, in the workplace, in society. However, it has also been successful in partitioning the genders into contestants vying for the vote of superiority, not from any unbiased spectator, but from each other. Just when I had spent years to get into a non-sparring zone with at least some of my male colleagues where we could share trials and tribulations as people forgetting the man or woman bit, I did not want to hear digs from them to the tune of “Women of the world, unite”.
There were many women whom I could not relate to just as there were men whose motives and purposes in the workplace were impossible for me to fathom. I had long since stopped trying to put in effort to chat for long with the homemakers in my complex. Just as any small talk in office veered towards criticism of senior management, any talk amongst homemakers invariably ended in a dissection of their respective moms-in-law. But there was a subtle difference, the woman in office criticizing her boss was doing a 360 degree analysis, learning not to make the mistakes her boss makes, the woman back home was simply bitching !
Bingo! I had unconsciously hit the nail on the head. Marketing was the name of the game. I realized why I needed to attend the session. There were rules of the corporate game that I did not know. There is a difference in the approach of the classy cricketer vis-à-vis the burly baseball player. From a higher level of abstraction, both use a piece of wood to hit a ball. But ask any Indian cricket aficionado and he will wax eloquent on the straight drive, the cut, the hook, the pull, the glance and frown at the wild swing whose only objective is to send the ball soaring above the stands. The cause – a ball coming your way, and the effect – the ball moving away from you, may be the same, but it is the process of sending the ball to its destination that makes the difference between the two games. What rouses an American will fail to impress the Indian and what drives the Indian to sit out 5 days of a test match will be incomprehensible to the American.
My interest had been awakened – I wanted to know about the rules of the game in the business world.
I entered the conference room and immediately felt the difference in the ambience from other occasions when people would either take their seats and talk in hushed voices or use that loud ‘So-Boss-how’s it going’ (‘Ki guru kemon cholchhe’) back slapping attitude to group together. Some of these women were handling large software delivery accounts – meeting tough deadlines day after day – but they did not carry that aura of earth-on-my-shoulders everywhere with them!
The key message from the chairperson, who hailed from Europe, to us was that we should come out of the wings into the spotlight. She spoke of the dementor each woman carries within herself. The dementor who keeps reminding her of her deficiencies each time she wants to take a step ahead. She wanted us to house a cheerleader alongside the dementor. The one who’d say “Go for it” each time the dementor said “You can’t do it”. She cited the stereotype of a man looking at a job description and saying “I think I should apply” even if he met only half of the desired skills vis-à-vis a woman who shied away just because there was one particular skill that she did not have. Sessions such as these would be the supplemental vitamins to the cheerleader within each woman and urge her to overcome the diffidence born out of several aeons of being limited to a significant but secluded domain of the household.
What struck a chord in me was the initiative to help women returning to the workplace after maternity breaks cope up to the pressures of sleepless nights and professional commitments. I remembered the times after my maternity break when I was too proud to admit even to another woman that at times I felt incapable of continuing with my profession.
Being a Gemini, I have had the honour of hosting innumerable debates between my twin selves. Each twin is vociferous and convinced about her stand. The irony is that I am the speaker and the listener by turns. I cannot be the mediator. I stay suspended like Trishanku between two opposing points of view. A stand I must take else I will never be able to move out from the static center of equilibrium. It is tiring – this constant questioning to decide what to do! I envy those who have the luxury of a single strong conviction.
On one hand I was swayed by the small pleasures of trying to teach number work to my daughter at age two by counting each article of clothing as we sorted and put them away in the correct drawers in her cupboard, the aesthetic accomplishment of choosing the right shades of lime green, fuchsia pink and blue curtains, bedspread and cushion covers for her room, the joy of seeing her looking pretty in a frock that I stitched on my creaking machine for her birthday, the bliss of curling up in bed with a story book after a vacuum cleaning spree in the morning.
On the other hand, I thrive on the rush of adrenaline as one races against the minute hand to deliver a solution to the client, the stimulating discussions with the client which come dangerously close to being verbal duels, the smug satisfaction of having adroitly manoeveured through the right nodes of the matrix to procure a development server for a project, the deep insights into group dynamics as a team is formed after much storming, the quiet contentment after a coaching session with a team member seeking to work on areas of improvement.
The dilemmas are endless. Each day brings with it a new set of choices to be weighed carefully for pros and cons and decisions to be made to make each moment of time worthwhile and well spent.
A few months later, it was time to celebrate International Women’s Day at office. “A lot can happen over coffee” was the catch line as I traipsed into the cafeteria secretly wondering at what amusement lay in store for us. Interestingly, several senior leaders from the opposite gender occupied the back benches with, I am sure, very little clue about the goings on. After a brief initiation by a senior leader from the male brigade, the floor was thrown open to the women to talk about their concerns and issues. And did that open the floodgates ! From oft heard suggestions on having a creche in or near the workplace to hardhitting queries on why women could not work the night shifts, from issues on a woman’s performance rating not being rated high if she left at six while her male counterpart stayed back to encouragements from senior managers to speak out against such systemic problems, the hour long discussion succeeded in bringing out the core concern of the women at the workplace, the woman who wanted to be considered as just an IT professional and not an IT woman professional.
From complementing the men at work to competing with them to break the glass ceiling, women have come a long way. From a personal point of view, true liberation will happen the day a woman is free of stereotypes, when she no longer has to get out of one stereotype as a Homemaker to another stereotype of the Superwoman loaded with responsibilities at home and office without adequate societal infrastructure. I can relate to the needs in Maslow’s hierarchy as a woman to help me conquer barriers. The first two levels of physiological and safety needs have not yet been satisified for the women in major parts of rural and urban India where female foeticide, dowry deaths and domestic violence are rampant. The social need had been satisfied by family ties till educated women started coming out of their home to participate in business and community activities. The need for respect and recognition for our capabilities and strengths is what the woman workforce is out to get today. The final need for self actualization would be the same for a man or a woman and that is when we would be able to talk to each other not as diverse creatures but as the one creation of a supreme power.
